Jobs and Growth

It would seem that to create Government policy nowadays all you have to do is come up with an idea and append the phrase “Jobs and Growth” to it.

As an example I point you to this little gem

The government’s housing strategy, to be launched on Monday, will also include:

A new scheme, running to hundreds of millions of pounds, to underwrite a small percentage of mortgages for “new-build” homes. The scheme is designed to reduce the size of a deposit, particularly for first-time buyers, by shifting the “loan-to-value” ratio. Banks are currently demanding deposits of up to 20% of the value of a property from first-time buyers.

Cameron and Clegg will say the £400m Get Britain Building fund will allow developers to compete for funds to build on sites cleared for development. It is hoped that up to 3,200 of the proposed new properties will be affordable homes and that the initiative will support up to 32,000 jobs.

See how easy it is. Just look how “Jobs and Growth” turn debt financing into sound Government policy…

Well, if it’s that simple I think I’ll have a go at this Government policy lark. I do hope DC or Gideon read this…

So what’s my big idea..? Well, we create a new Space Agency with the aim of landing a man on the surface of the Sun.

The great thing about this is currently we have no idea how to do it. Mainly because the Sun is really, really f**k*ng hot. But it would mean we’d have to spend many billions of pounds on research. And you know what that will create… “Jobs and Growth”.

The other great thing is it’s going to be very, very difficult and could go on indefinitely. Which means we’ll need to fire many hundreds if not thousands of test rockets at/into the Sun. And, of course, send tens of thousands of brave astronauts to a hellish death. Just think of all the jobs we’ll create…

A note on the astronauts — we could use people on the dole. So not only do we create “Jobs and Growth” but we also get people “Back into work”. It’s a win, win, win idea…

And we can call the policy “Project Blast Off”, which sounds awesome and makes reference to what we’ll be doing to our economy…

Now, some of you — mainly ignorant libertarians — will think my idea is ‘Hair-Brained’, ‘Stupid’, ‘Ridiculous’ or even ‘Mental’. But I just want you to remember one thing — “Jobs and Growth”…

  2 comments for “Jobs and Growth

  1. Nov 24, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I am afraid you sun landing scheme won’t generate many jobs as Ali G no less has solved the heat problem. If I may…

    “Just go there at night, innit”

    • Dec 3, 2011 at 9:17 am

      Shit!.. Lucky we didn’t start the research, we would have wasted billions…

Comments are closed.