The Lunchbox Nazis Strike Again!

A six-year-old boy has been expelled from school and the nursery place of his younger brother has been withdrawn after he turned up with some crack cocaine in his lunchbox. No wait! It wasn’t crack cocaine, it was a packet of mini-cheddars.

The story will surprise few parents, who are well aware of the ludicrous petty tyrannies visited upon their children over the contents of their lunchboxes, which are often inspected by school staff, or in the case of a school I know, the “Green Team”, an environmentally-minded version of the Hitler Jugend, who are empowered to prey upon their fellow pupils and snitch to the teacher. This poor younger generation! They must have been deprived of the lessons I received from the Bash Street Kids and various other comic characters of my childhood on the correct attitude to authority and those who snitch.

Ostensibly this is about ensuring the children get a balanced, healthy diet, but it is clear from many anecdotes that the staff often have little knowledge of nutrition, and are really enforcing a control agenda which, when examined, rests on a vile, monstrous premise: that the state is primarily responsible for bringing up the children and the parents are only their custodians insofar as they are prepared to toe the line.

In order to justify this interfering abuse of power, those of a totalitarian mind-set will no doubt conjure up images of feckless parents stuffing their children full of nothing but sweets and fizzy drinks. Such parents exist, of course, but the underlying and usually unspoken assumption is that this is what most parents would routinely do, if it were not for the gauleiters of the school canteen.  As elsewhere, the intention is to make the exception appear to be the rule, and once regulations have proliferated over every nook and cranny of school life, a common sense, ad hoc approach to dealing with whatever exceptions occur is precluded and an arbitrary and often stupid, or stupidly-applied, set of rules substituted.

For the totalitarian, it is not the case that one is innocent (the rule) until proven guilty (the exception), but rather that one is always and ever suspect. In the first case, no prior restraint is necessary or wanted, for why should an innocent person be restrained?  In the second, restraint and surveillance are imperative. With regard to parenting, it is not enough to say that the parent is no longer to be presumed loving and responsible, even worse, the loving, responsible parent has been replaced by a loving, responsible Uncle Joe state as primary carer, with the parent relegated to an auxiliary role.

A bit overblown? Possibly, but a dispute with the school can easily escalate. All someone at the school needs to do is pick up the phone to social services, and now you have the child snatcher at your door.  You’ll be fine, as long as you kiss the boot and appear to like it. Just don’t act like a normal, well-adjusted mammal.

Now, a libertarian defence of the school’s action may run thus: a voluntary contract exists between the parents and the school, and if the school wishes to impose strict rules on lunchboxes, this is their prerogative. This is true, but only up to a point, because the contract between the school and the parents is not wholly voluntary. The state imposes the violence of taxation on the parents in order to fund the school. Therefore the school is not providing a service to voluntary, paying customers, and it is working for the (piper-paying, tune-calling) state first and foremost, serving its interests above the interests of any of the children in its care.

Children should be brought up to respect themselves and other people, not to kowtow to authority like snivelling cowards.  Nor should parents cede control of their children’s eating habits to the state. History warns us what kind of societies emerge when the state manages to insert itself between parent and child.


  1. As an ex-school governor, I can give some insights as to how this has come about. It’s all about Ofsted, the government’s inspectors of schools. Ofsted has a wide remit, which includes pastoral care, child welfare, child protection (which they interpret to include protection from junk food), as well as the quality of teaching. Schools are shit-scared of Ofsted. Ofsted can determine a head’s pay/bonus, and their reports can affect the number of children who attend a school (failing schools don’t attract pupils); and fewer children means less funding, and as many running costs are fixed, a little less funding can mean a lot less funding for quality education. School’s want Ofsted in and out as quickly as possible and looking at a few things as possible – ideally just a few lessons with some of the better teachers. Ofsted need to be efficient, and so will not review some areas if schools have recognised “awards”. In this case, it’s the Healthy Schools award. To achieve this schools have to have an education programme for pupils, teaching staff and caterers; and also perform lunchbox audits. The whole situation has come about because every entity in the chain gold-plates the requirements provided by the entity higher up the chain. Government wanted Ofsted to consider child welfare provision; Ofsted gold-plated this by including healthy eating. The Health Schools Award people required lunchbox audits, and schools interpret this to mean lunchbox correction. If the money was given to the parent by the government (as an interim step), then parents could make their own informed decisions – but the government hold all the purse strings, and to avoid less money being received by the school and to maintain a half-decent education for the all the children, the gold-plated and perverse logic demands that the Mini-Cheddars be confiscated,



  2. Thanks for that interesting insight into Ofsted, James.

    Our local school has had the inspectors in a few times recently. It has been a real insight.

    I realised, for the first time, that since the inspectors are answerable to the government, it is the government that sets the priorities for the inspectors, and the inspectors are at least as interested in ensuring that schools are adhering to the priorities of politicians as they are in ensuring that schools provide good education and are well run.



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